In this helpful article by Randy Stinson (pp. 5-9 of the PDF) on showing yourself to be a man, Stinson suggests that godly leadership involves being a (1) leader, (2) provider, and (3) protector.
I found his 9 marks of godly leadership in a home to be especially instructive:
1. Vision (this is where we are going)
2. Direction (this is how we get there)
3. Instruction (let me show you how)
4. Imitation (watch me)
5. Inspiration (isn't this great?) [group]
6. Affirmation (you're doing great!) [individual]
7. Evaluation (how are we doing?)
8. Correction (let's make a change)
9. Protection and provision (I'll take care of you)
Read the whole thing for further exploration and to see how Stinson is trying to implement these in his own famiy.
John Piper also has a helpful resource in thinking through the marks of a leader. He distinguishes between "the inner circle of spiritual leadership" and "the outer circle of leadership." The former are "the sequence of events in the human soul that must happen if anyone is to get to first base in spiritual leadership. These are the absolute bare essentials. They are things that all Christians must attain in some degree, and when they are attained with high fervor and deep conviction they very often lead one into strong leadership.") The outer circle contains "qualities that characterize both spiritual and non-spiritual leaders."
The Inner Circle of Spiritual Leadership
1. That Others Will Glorify God
2. Love both Friend and Foe by Trusting in God and Hoping in His Promises
3. Meditate On and Pray Over His Word
4. Acknowledge Your Helplessness
The Outer Circle of Spiritual Leadership
1. Restless
2. Optimistic
3. Intense
4. Self-controlled
5. Thick-skinned
6. Energetic
7. A hard thinker
8. Articulate
9. Able to Teach
10. A Good Judge of Character
11. Tactful
12. Theologically Oriented
13. A dreamer
14. Organized and Efficient
15. Decisive
16. Perseverant
17. Lover
18. Restful
